I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She is in my trunk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
