PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
