At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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