I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
