shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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