i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
