if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
