Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
