Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
