She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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