Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
