Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
