why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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