wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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