I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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