I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize