Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
