woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
