Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
