If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
they're like a gay fantastic four
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize