You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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