And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
