I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
