Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
