Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
