im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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