do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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