The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Randomize
