it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
