we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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