so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
