I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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