What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
