Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize