Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize
