Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize