so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
