As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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