considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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