What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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