how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
