whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
