You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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