So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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