I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
