Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
