I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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