i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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