I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
