Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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