she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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