we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
