You really coming over, don't trick.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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