Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
