Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
