I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
