Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
