I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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