he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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