Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I love you. Go after that dick
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