oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize