May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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