The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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