RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize