I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
