ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
