Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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