Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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